Thank You Mario But Our Princess Is In Another Castle
Lyrics
I waited here all by myself
The room was dark and it smelled like sulfur
I heard the screams from way down in the darkness
Felt pretty sure my life was over
I kept my hat on just for luck
Sang simple tunes the whole night through
I wondered if I'd wake to find myself in flames
As I waited here for you
Yeah when you came in
I could breathe again
I saw some guys dressed up like sorcerers
Blue robes that flowed above the ground
They came and went and I was frightened for my life
I tried not to make a sound
Just when my solitude was closing in
I heard a howl like screeching tires
And I told you the one thing I know how to say
Through the bright ringing drone of 8-bit choirs
Yeah when you came in
I could breathe again
Banter
- I was talking about how - this childhood tendency of mine - I’m the most gullible person alive. I believe everything I’m told. Not just while it’s being told to me; a poet named Bill Direen has a very strong credo that, you know, for the duration of the story that someone is telling you, believe it. But I can’t escape at the end and so that’s sort of a thing about me. And consequently, I’m the kind of person who- and I think more people have this than admit it. You know how you hear a really dumb song - like you know it’s dumb, it’s just not the sort of stuff you maybe normally would listen to - and then you start to cry. And you say, ‘Why am I crying at ‘Nearest Distant Shore’, a country song from the eighties?’ Well, it’s that you let yourself get sucked into it and suddenly everything- the protagonist person was real, so maybe it’s dumb because they’re feeling beleaguered and they’re not really powerful enough to articulate things in a way that’s really clever because they’re in a whole, huge amount of psychic pain. Maybe that’s the reality of the dumb song. So anyway, I play video games and sometimes- and I’m not talking about video games with complex plot lines that everyone cries at, right. Everyone cries at 'Ocarina’. It’s true, when they seal Zelda up in the amber and you can’t- everybody cries at that. But this is not that. There’s not a lot of people who, when you reach the end of the maze and it blinks and Pac-Man has eaten all the dots and eaten a few ghosts while he was at it, so he has earned some right to freedom and rest… and the maze blinks and this music plays and you think, 'Oh, what music are they playing for Pac-Man?’ Maybe, as they usher him into the house that he won because he completed the maze. 'It’s so nice that he’s finished. He worked so hard at it. He died twice on the way through the maze and now he’s done! So now, good for him. And I helped him get there. So, this is great!’ And then a new maze full of dots presents itself. And there’s new ghosts, none of them are actually dead. Every time you eat them, the ghosts come back to life. And if you’re me, you reach a point where this feels like a crushing psychic weight. Like, 'Oh my god, Pac-Man will never be done. He will never be done. He has to eat the dots forever. There is no escape from the maze. There’s an exit on this side of the screen, but it just comes right back out on the other side of the screen. It’s hell. Pac-Man was born in and lives in hell. That’s all you’re doing, is helping him walk around down there and be chased by demons who have names like Inky and Blinky. You have to pool in a harsh universe through which he lives.’ So this song is about a little fellow who goes to free the woman he loves from an evil dragon. And he’s really not… he’s just a plumber. He’s not a hero or nothing. He’s just a little plumber–and he’s exceedingly little. I know it’s uncool to call people little, or something; like, people are all sorts of sizes but this guy’s literally like half an inch tall. And like one day, he just wakes up inside a sewer and the sewer has creatures that fly and he fights and fights and fights. But when he gets past the evil dragon, the person he’s looking for isn’t there. But somebody else he knows is, that he didn’t even know was being held prisoner. His name is Mario. His friend’s name is Toad. I find their story profoundly moving so I wrote this song for them. (2012-06-22 Rio Theater - wiki unverified)
- I don't play this one very often anymore. [starts playing piano intro] And I feel like it's probably 'cause I end up mixing up the verse order. But I want Matt to hear it. It is a song about a guy, to whom an amazing thing happens. But it's not the thing he thinks it is. The first guy wakes up one morning to learn that his true love has been kidnapped by an evil dragon. [cheers] Why are you cheering for the evil dragon?! This takes place in a kingdom where evil means evil and good means good. The evil dragon means nobody any good. Very bitter person. Boo to the evil dragon, indeed! And so, when this fella wakes up and he learns that his true love has been kidnapped by the evil dragon and taken away to the dungeon, for God knows what nefarious purpose, although, many people have rendered those purposes in gifs on the internet, I am sorry to tell you. They leave little to the imagination. So, but, [suddenly stops piano] our dude, our dude wakes up, and I've said this a lot of times, but it's because I really think about it a lot. [starts piano again] If this happened to me. The first thing I would do would be lie to my children. Mom had to go to work, and she'll be...back...when you get home from school, so I'm gonna take you guys to school now. And don't go get any ideas that our princess has been kidnapped by an evil dragon, because that's exactly what didn't happen, fellas. Don't even worry about it. And the kids would say, Dad's talking about his stuff again. But I'll tell you what I wouldn't do. I wouldn't jump down a manhole. With a hammer. To say there's gotta be an evil dragon down here somewhere. And I'm gonna find him. And I'm gonna bash his brains around the wall of the dungeon. And rescue my beloved from the evil, wretched, horrible dragon that has blighted our kingdom. But as I say, this song isn't actually about that guy. That's just sorta how the story gets started. Because he goes through many terrible trials en route to the dungeon. And he even - you will find this hard to believe - he dies several times. He can die a lot of times if you're playing it on the home system, which is a weakness of the home system. [piano stops] You should have to put a quarter in. [piano resumes] Otherwise you got no skin in the game. This generation is weak people. [laughs] But he gets there, you know, he does all the things he's supposed to do, and he gets to where he's going, and then he fights the evil dragon over the lake of fire, and the dragon is defeated and falls into the lake of fire. And a door opens behind the dungeon, and he prepares to see his beloved. She's not there. His friend who he didn't even know was missing is there. Who are you, plumber guy, that you didn't even know your friend was languishing in the dungeon? Who was going to rescue your friend while you ran off on your errands of courtly love, fellow in the charming overalls? Who was going to rescue this fine young fellow, who, instead of yelling at you, were you gonna let me die in here? Were you gonna let me starve to death? Just jumps up and puts his arms into the air and says: thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle. (2023-10-05 August Hall)
Live Performances
Footnotes