Foreign Object

Lyrics

Whipped like a dog, down on the cards
Square in the spotlight sweating real hard
All soaked in blood like a newborn babe
Sharp thing hidden in my hand shaped like an astrolabe

Gonna stick* you in the eye with a foreign object
Gonna poke** you in the eye with a foreign object

March through the red mist, never get my vision clear
Learn to love this kind of atmosphere
Strike funny*** poses, keep my weapon hand low
Whip my head around a little, get blood on the front row

Gonna jab^ you in the eye with a foreign object
I personally will^^ stab you in the eye with a foreign object
^^^Foreign object, foreign object, foreign object

Sink my teeth into your scalp, take a nice big bite
Save nothing for the cameras, play the angles all night
One of these days my legs will both snap like twigs
If you can't beat 'em make 'em bleed like pigs

I'm gonna jab^ you in the eye with a foreign object
I'm gonna% stab you in the eye with a foreign object

Ba, ba da da, ba ba ba da, foreign object
Ba, ba da da, ba ba ba da, foreign object
Ba, ba da da, ba ba ba da, foreign object

Banter

• This is a song about how I, John Darnielle, am gonna stab you in the eye [cheering] with a foreign object. [more cheering] It's called....... Foreign Object. (2015-04-02 - Mercy Lounge, Nashville)
• This is a song about how when you least expect it, when you're feeling that things are going well for you, you might turn around and find that I have come up behind you, and will surely stab you in the eye with a foreign object. (2015-04-04 - The Jinx, Savannah)
• This is a song about how I am going to stab you in the eye with a foreign object. (2015-04-07 - Cat's Cradle, Carrboro)
• I should like to welcome to the stage. The Horns of Terror. This right here is a song about how I am going to come up to you when you least expect it, and stab you, in the eye, with a foreign object. The song is called.....Foreign Object. (2015-04-09 - Webster Hall, NYC)
• There's parts of every record you don't hear, because we cut them off before they go to press. Spoken intros are the main thing. 'Cause if a record has a spoken intro for every track, that's cloying. Nobody needs that, 'cause everybody would know, you could have taken that off, but you decided to leave a bit of studio patter. But I will tell you that, on the rough mix I have of this song, probably about the 5th take of the song that day, I say, [announcer voice] 'We're going to poke you in the eye! With a foreign object! By the Mountain Goats!' (2015-04-11 - City Winery, New York City)
• "When a wrestler has a weapon ... if you watch high school wrestling, college wrestling, you may think that usually they don't have weapons. And that's true, but that's because they're still in high school and college. They haven't really leveled up to the real wrestling. They're still learning. They can't be trusted with weapons yet. Only the professional wrestler is really equipped to handle a weapon, you know, like ... I say 'like a' because you never know what it is, because they don't -- It's not very scary if you say, 'Oh my god, he's got a pencil.' How bad -- he'll take your pencil away, now you'll have no weapon. So the announcers found a way around this, back when. They would say, 'Oh no, Bad News Kowalji is coming back into the ring, and he's carrying- a foreign object. Well, that's a little more threatening than a pencil, isn't it. You don't even know where a foreign object is from. You just know it's from someplace else. This song is called 'Foreign Object." (2015-04-12)
• "The other song is about this sort of loneliness that eats away at your mind from inside until you’re a shadow of your former self and then you try to draw pictures of your former self to see what he looked like and see if you remember, see if you can conjure him up through late nighttime sessions. This isn’t that song. This is a song about stabbing somebody in the eye with a foreign object. It’s called Foreign Object." (2015-04-19)
• Every so often, when you travel through this world, you may see a person and you say, ‘As sure as I’m standing here and by the holy name of the god that made me, I’m going to stab that person in the eye with a foreign object.’ (2015-04-22)
• This here is a song about how, in the fullness of time, you know, when… when all things have been brought to their maturity, and the moment is upon us where we can see… that the time has come. And we know, that us, we’ll share a special moment together. When that time comes, then I… am going to stab you… [audience clues in; cheers erupt]… in the eye. With a foreign object.’ (2015-10-03)
• "This is a song about how, probably at some point in your life and mine, we will meet up, and then I will stab you in the eye... with a foreign object. That's why the song is called Foreign Object." (2016-09-02)
• "This is a song about how I, the Bloomington Bruiser, 205 pounds of raw Indiana muscle, will walk directly up to you, without any fear of repercussions from the officials, or the crowd, or from the game itself, and stab you in the eye with a foreign object." (2017-11-11)
• You don't cut out people. People say to me, well, you tell these stories, John, but when are you really going to share your most intimate feelings? When are you really gonna get real with it and tell us how you feel about something, really get into your emotions? Matt, you know what they say, if you bottle up your emotions sooner or later they're, they'll all come to getcha, you gotta let 'em out. So I sat down one day, I gotta do this thing, I have to get real with people, I have to get real with myself. I have to tell them the truth. About how one day, one day in the very near future, I am gonna stab you. I'm gonna stab you. (2023-10-28 Longhorn Ballroom)

Live Performances

• 2015-04-02 - Mercy Lounge, Nashville (recording)
• 2015-04-03 - The Grey Eagle, Asheville
• 2015-04-04 - The Jinx, Savannah (recording)
• 2015-04-07 - Cat's Cradle, Carrboro (recording)
• 2015-04-08 - 9:30 Club, Washington DC
• 2015-04-09 - Webster Hall, NYC (recording, with Horns of Terror)
• 2015-04-11 - City Winery, New York City (recording)
• 2023-10-28 Longhorn Ballroom (encore, with Kyle Leonard)

Footnotes