The Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton

Lyrics

The best ever death metal band out of Denton
Were a couple of guys, who'd been friends since grade school.
One was named Cyrus, and the other was Jeff.
And they practiced twice a week in Jeff's bedroom.¹

The best ever death metal band out of Denton
Never settled on a name.
But the top three contenders, after weeks of debate,
Were Satan's Fingers, and the Killers, and the Hospital Bombers.²

Jeff and Cyrus believed in their hearts they were headed
For stage lights and Learjets, and fortune and fame.
So in script that made prominent use of a pentagram,
They stenciled their drumheads and guitars with their names.

This was how Cyrus got sent to the school
Where they told him he'd never be famous.
And this was why Jeff,
In the letters he'd write to his friend,
Helped develop a plan to get even.
When you punish a person for dreaming his dream,
Don't expect him to thank or forgive you.
The best ever death metal band out of Denton
Will in time both outpace and outlive you.[4]
Hail Satan![5]
Hail Satan tonight!
Hail Satan!³
Hail hail!

Banter

People think this song is a joke, but there's nothing funny about being in a goddamn hospital when you're 12 and trying to explain to the people that the music you wanna listen to isn't even gonna turn you into a serial killer or anything, it just makes you feel better. [unclear] There's an opportunity there. Then you get a little older, and [unintelligible] party. (2007-09-22 North Star Bar)

They say that the best revenge is living well, but you don’t always have control over that. That’s why so many of us choose the path of destruction. You don’t have to be living well to choose the path of destruction. All you have to do is have an urge to fuck shit up. (2012-10-15 Bowery)

Live Performances

2007-09-22 North Star Bar (video)
2009-02-25 Swedish American Hall
2012-10-15 Bowery Ballroom
2015-04-09 - Webster Hall, NYC (recording - encore)
2017-11-12 Brooklyn Steel (audience video)
2019-04-30 Brooklyn Steel (audience video 1, 2)
2019-05-07 Mr. Smalls Theatre (encore - recording)
2021-08-08 The Saturn (encore - recording)
2023-10-09 Martin Woldson Theater at the Fox (JD solo)

Covers

Nathaniel Rateliff (AV Club)

Footnotes

^{1. Followed by "practice really hard" (2017-11-12, 2019-05-07), "shredding"(2007-09-22), "til their fingers bled" (2021-08-08)↩}
^{2. Various other band names are sung here, including "Single Occupancy Toilet" (2017-11-12), "Crepitant Flatulence" (2007-09-22), "Unnecessary Surgery" (2015-04-09) ↩}
^{3. Followed by an epithet of Satan: "Hail sweet prince of all flesh" (2015-04-09, 2017-11-12, 2007-09-22, 2019-05-07, 2020-08-08) ↩} 4. "Sing it!" (2007-09-22, 2015-04-09, 2021-08-08) 5. "Like you mean it!" (2007-09-22)